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I find it hard to make decisions.

I am not quite sure why. So I am trying to figure it out here.

The anxiety about having anxiety.

I would consider myself a positive person. In an interview, optimistic is word that I would use to describe myself. I believe in the good of people and I believe that good things are coming my way. Only in a slightly annoying Instagram meme way. 

I am worried that my anxiety is flaring up and I am headed for medication. Those slithering dark thoughts about events and situations is starting to prevent me from truly living. Those thoughts are conditioning myself to immediately think about the worst case scenario. It scares me to think that I might need medication to handle this. Or that my thoughts are not normal concerns and worries. I was talking to a similarly anxious coworker and it is crazy the anxiety that that taking anxiety medications brings up. Oh the irony. What if I become dependent? What if I become a zombie? What if these are just normal thoughts and the medical industry has convinced me that I am wrong to sell me another pill? If I trusted in HIM and prayed more, this wouldn't be such an issue.

My other concern is that better eating and exercise would manage these feelings. I never felt more mentally well then when I was on whole30. I need to admit that sugar has an extreme effect on my mood and thoughts. Unfortunately, those feelings totally evaporate when I am in the drive thru. Someday when I win the battle against obesity (see, I am totally positive!), it will be so obvious how my eating issues and anxiety went hand in hand. For now, I am just starting to see the edge of how these two issues intersect. 

So for now it is something that I am working on. Maybe something I will continue to share because I know so many others are dealing with such similar concerns. I want my blog to be about the benefit of making quick decisions, for taking immediate action. Getting unstuck. I feel like this scenario needs a little more marinating. And probably a good therapist. Stay tuned. 

I want a successful blog but I don't want anyone to read it.