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I find it hard to make decisions.

I am not quite sure why. So I am trying to figure it out here.

Everything is messy.

I might have screwed up today. I am still unsure. I let anxiety win and I flaked on plans (again). I then spend the rest of the day worried I made the wrong decision. Living in my head with pressure on my chest. I want this blog to document how to work through these things. To feel more solid about my decisions. One solid decision is that I need to get some professional help. The idea that I can white knuckle through this is no longer an option.

My life right now is just messy. My diet is messy. My weight is messy. My room is messy. My schedule. Everything just seems so disorganized. I have been listening to the minimalist podcast and I just want to through everything away. I want to have the perfect capsule wardrobe. I want to buy a bed and stop being a 30-year-old who sleeps on a mattress and boxspring. I am scared to make any moves because I am not sure it will make me happy. 

I want to help other people. How can I possibly expect to help others or be a life coach when my life is so messy? Ideally this blog is going to be the roadmap on how I helped myself. Writing seems to help the swirling in my head, so maybe someone else who is swirling will understand. Tell me how you feel more confident about your decisions? I will say dealing with other peoples problems seems so much easier! I can focus on them and not me. It is like hiring a good professional organizer, they can toss everything you don't need because they don't have the emotional attachments. Do I need more prayer, more grace, more embracing the messy. Diving in and tackling everything all at once? Taking lots of time to work through things? Let me know - how do you get through?

Ember and Autumn

I want a successful blog but I don't want anyone to read it.