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I find it hard to make decisions.

I am not quite sure why. So I am trying to figure it out here.

14 Days of Self Trust. Day 11.

Today I cannot describe my feelings more that blah. Beyond blah. I tried to use the word malaise but I am not 100% I am using it correctly or exactly how to say it, but it seemed correct.

 

I am sitting at Starbucks cheating on Whole30. I cheated pretty badly today. I completed an entire session of Whole30 in January 2016 and I have tried and failed several times sinse then. I don’t know if that is because it is too restrictive for me or if I am that addicted to food. Or both. Either way, it just added to my blahs. I don’t think the toxic avalanche of sugar into my blood stream is going to help either.

 

One reason decisions cause me SUCH anxiety is because all the bad feels that I feel from others. (empath problems) I ditched out of a hike that was planned with my roomie. Then I told my sister about it. Both met me with disappointment. At the beginning of 2017 I told my sister to be mean to me, to make me do things, shame me when I don’t workout. And then the eye rolls. But none of that has ever worked for me. I have told my roomie the same thing but it only makes me resentful when they bring it up.

 

Is it wrong that for the past couple of weekends I have barely changed out of my pajamas and binge watched prison documentaries? I try to live very intentionally, meaning I listen to my answers to the questions that I ask. Do I want to work out today? No. Do I want to go on a hike? No. Do I want to leave my darkened room? No. Am I doing intentional living wrong? Do I not need those things? Am I depressed? UGH all of these questions are so difficult to answer.

 

I was going to talk about what I should have done or how to turn around a bad mood but I don’t want to should. I don’t even want to say that I will do better – cause who knows.

 

Today for the challenge, I just want you to answer this question: what is one thing you do to get out of a bad mood? If you say exercise, you are banned from this blog (kidding). I am really curious, when you are down and blah – what do you to change things up? 

14 Days of Self Trust. Day 12.

14 Days of Self Trust: Day 10.